AWH MAN, if I knew where my treaty card was and if i could run away for a month I would go to the states and fucking find Ramshackle Glory and stalk them.
but no really i totally would if i could.
ACTUALLY I’D GO AND STALK ALL MY FAVORITE BANDS omg.
I’ve been thinking about my relationship with this person.
I guess, I need to bring up the question whether or not if he’ll even care if I’m in his life or not, if it’s going to be too painful..
Argh, it really fucking hurts. He’s friends with her and all her friends… to me it doesn’t seem like he needs me. You know? ‘Cause I’m just “there”, I doubt that he needs me. I shouldn’t need him, but I kind of always needed him there; he could always plant my feet back onto the ground. And I do regret a lot, not the feelings I had/have for him but just things I never said to him or did. I’m mad at myself but I take it out on him and this is stupid. And now he’s going to die, the tumor will eat away at his brain, his personality will change and he’ll die. Fuck.
So, I know I don’t post on this blog very much.. there was someone on Tumblr I didn’t want to find it bahaha, but I doubt that they would anyways.
I need to talk to about something really important to me, someone who means a lot to me.
He plagues my thoughts every day, he has since last year. My feelings for him are like waves, they come and they go. Sometimes the waters are calm and other times they are furious.
But yesterday I found out he has a brain tumor, it’s called oligodendroglioma.. you can remove parts but you can never get the whole thing. It grows all over the brain.. weaving through. He could die any day, or live for another ten years which he said was doubtful.
Last summer, he told me he didn’t want me to be with Tyson, Tyson only caused me pain. He was there for me, but he wanted to be there for me all the time. He said he’d do anything for me and I knew he was telling the truth. We haven’t been talking much since August, I’ve maybe talked to him three times since.
I broke up with Tyson, not to be with this person but so I’d be able to talk to him without Tyson flipping shit. I want to hang out with him, have him be my best friend again. Like he was two years a go and was last summer.
I’m hurting, I have a hole in my chest. I promised him a while a go that one day we’ll be together, one day we’ll have our time. Now.. now I can’t, we can’t. He doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to hurt anybody, and it would destroy me.. it already is. I don’t have him in my life, I regret not listening to him in last January.. not taking my time. I regret so much, all the time we spent together I took for granted.
But I need to get out of this rut, I need to be happy like he told me. I need to be there for him.. it’s hard because I just found out yesterday.. but eventually I will.
thanks man! Yours is definitely one of me faves
fo sho! Definitely makes me sad that animal care is so expensive.. so anything I can to do help!
got it from this lovely etsy store, I’ve also seen other ones that were a bit better but I can’t remember where bahahah.
no problemo! I hate feeling like that and I don’t like seeing other people suffer, I always try to suggest friend advice. I’m doing fabulous other than this persistent migraine bwahaha.
thank you! I definitely need more strength to keep it this way though, ahahaha.